I am now well into my second trimester. The morning sickness is, thankfully, a distant memory, and the lack of manouvreability and difficulty sleeping is still to come. Most of the time, except when I’m trying to get somewhere in a hurry, I feel pretty normal.
So normal, in fact, that I sometimes even forget I’m pregnant.
And, when I catch myself forgetting, I start feeling guilty. Guilty, already, that I’m not paying enough attention to this baby, that it might somehow be second-best to the active toddler who came first.
At the moment, I can still lift said toddler. Indeed, my manageable bump offers a convenient ledge of support on which to balance her with one arm while I open the car door or hoist up the nappy bag. My back is starting to groan a little more with each of these lifts, but I figure I’ve got a good month to go before all I’ll have to rely on to persuade her to do something she doesn’t want to do is my own brilliant logic and winning smiles.
Guilt is a pre-requisite for Maternity 101. And it can start even before the baby is born, as this helpful website points out. I’ve previously blogged about the guilt induced by nutritional choices, but, it seems, I’m not the only one who feels guilty second time round at forgetting my pregnancy - and, whisper it, maybe even feeling glad that I’ve forgotten. I feel guilty because I’m wondering if it’s wishful thinking: do I really wish I wasn’t going to have another baby? Especially having had first-hand experience of what it was like first time round?
Forgetfulness in general is another symptom of pregnancy. Last time round, I came into work specially on a day off to attend an important meeting, then promptly got so caught up in something else that I totally forgot about the meeting until it was over. Lots of ‘baby brain!’ jibes came my way that day, let me tell you. Again, like last time, I’m finding some of my short-term memory skills affected: absent-mindedness, difficulty remembering all the things I need to do unless I write a list, and basic numeracy (since my first pregnancy, I’ve had to quite consciously make myself remember my own phone number or PIN number each time I need to use them). I hasten to add that the remainder of my mental faculties are unaffected. I am not alone in this regard, either.
Some psychologists have found that ‘baby brain’ is based in reality. And, inevitably, you’ll find someone postulating an evolutionary reason why ‘baby brain’ might be a useful adaptation for expectant mothers: one women’s health expert says, "It has been postulated that, from an evolutionary standpoint, this memory impairment may be helpful so that women will forget about other stuff and focus on caring for the child."
Others are more skeptical, putting it down to factors commonly associated with pregnancy: changes to diet and routine, surging hormones, and disrupted sleep being particular culprits. Whatever the cause of ‘baby brain’, however, most researchers are convinced that it doesn’t alter the brain’s actual capacity. This Australian study was also careful to point out that the minor cognitive impairment or ‘baby brain’ experienced by up to 80 per cent of the women in the study did not justify discrimination on the part of employers. The warning is apt, as other studies have shown that pregnant women can face significant prejudice especially at work.
Interestingly - although ethically much more problematic - comparable animal studies have shown the opposite results: rats and other lab animals have shown evidence of cognitive enhancement during pregnancy. Indeed, more recent - and nuanced - research has shown evidence of cognitive enhancement in pregnant women in other areas, such as increased sensitivity to danger (as I’ve blogged about previously) and increased response to the cues of a newborn baby.
Psychologist Christian Jarrett sums up the shifts in thinking about ‘baby brain’:
the idea that it’s a purely negative effect is a myth that's in the process of being debunked. Any pregnancy-related impairments are likely a side-effect of what ultimately is a maternal neuro-upgrade that boosts women's ability to care for their vulnerable off-spring. Many will welcome the demise of the pregnesia myth, because it's a simplistic, one-sided concept that almost certainly encourages prejudice against women.
All of which is well and good - boo, down with pregnancy prejudice - but what happens when what you’re forgetting is the fact that you’re pregnant? How does that help prepare for the baby?
Not least when it comes to remembering the things you’re supposed to do to help them grow. This time round, in a new development since I was last pregnant, I have been prescribed iodine pills, one to be taken every day throughout the pregnancy, and then throughout breastfeeding after the baby is born. The reason is to make sure that the foetus gets enough iodine, as it ‘makes the thyroid hormones which are essential for brain development and function and for the normal growth and development of children.’
The only trouble is I’ve been finding it hard to remember whether or not I’ve taken one of the the blasted things every day.
Forgetting to take my iodine supplements, forgetting I’m even pregnant. Whatever next?
Forgetting that ‘motherhood’ is a culturally-loaded institution that damns women if they breed and if they don’t, if they work and if they don’t, if they eat well and if they don’t, if they raise their children ‘right’ or if they don’t?
Unlikely.
Maybe that’s what’s driving my second-trimester absent-mindedness: the fear of upending the delicate balance that I’ve managed to cultivate between my various roles since our first child was born and our world turned upside down.
